Siren no. 1

“I see the need to face this and for all of us to share our stories so those struggling know they are not alone.”

Jamie

She/Her
Marine/Jet Ski Supply Warehouse General Manager
Anxiety, Depression

Content Warning: Self harm, suicide

In 2008 my entire world was flipped upside down. My mental health struggles started after my husband cheated on me while pregnant and left me for the other woman two months after our daughter was born. I was depressed, dealing with postpartum and I started to self harm. 

Little did I know that this would take me on a road that I never imagined. A road that led to many dark places. I felt betrayed and alone and the world began to crash down around me. I spent many nights on the bathroom floor with a razor blade in my hand to cope with the hurt. I now have scars that cover my arms and are in various other places on my body. The self harm was a way for me to see the internal pain.

But unfortunately, it didn't stop there. On September 9, 2008, I tried to take my own life. I was taken to the hospital and given chalk to make me throw up pills I’d taken. I refused to see anyone. I was embarrassed and could not face them. I then was placed in a mental facility for three days. I knew what they wanted to hear, so I told them. I walked out of that place no better than when I went in. 

Only this time, I was given medication to ease the depression. That started a long hard road. I have battled with anxiety and depression for years. I saw counselors and psychiatrists. I was medicated to help regulate my emotions. I participated in self harm for many years after. I have overcome acting on cutting and the suicidal thoughts but I would be lying if I said that they aren't still present when I am sad or hurt.

Now that my daughter is older, she had been asking questions about how things ended and why. I got to a place where I did share it. It brought back all of the hurt and pain from the past. Only this time it was worse, because now my daughter felt the weight of his choices many years ago. Recently, we all sat down and talked about it. It brought so many feelings back for me, but it also showed me how far I have come since that time. That is why when I saw your announcement about Siren, I knew I needed to be part of it all.

I have always wanted my story and the struggles I have had to benefit others. I see the need for this to be less of a stigma. I see the need to face this and for all of us to share our stories so those struggling know they are not alone. I have had a love/hate relationship with my mental health for fourteen years, but my journey isn't over because I faced it and got the help I needed.